Technological progress is the backbone of every productive society. It has allowed us to make existing processes more efficient, for the democratisation of information, freedom of speech, and it has also led to creation of the atomic bomb, to algorithms that adapt to your preferences providing you with endless cycles of dopamine that aim to trap you in a perpetual pursuit of pleasure. Technological advancement in its purest form is neutral, it is how we choose to leverage it that determines our fate as a society.

In this blog I will speak about the impact I believe technology is currently having and will have on how we perceive social connection.

The internet is a lot more recent than we think, or at least more recent than what I believe my generation perceives it to be. It gained popularity in the late 1990’s to the early 2000’s which in the grand scale of things is almost like yesterday. Since then, it has developed at an unbelievably exponential rate and we can only expect this growth to continue.

But first let me mention something that I realised earlier this week: The traditional definition of the noun "feed" refers to food, especially for animals. Like bird feed, cattle feed. Think about this. Ironically, social media feeds are now leading to a starvation. But starvation of what exactly?

Consider this: you are watching the Instagram story of the friend that you haven’t met since high school. He is making the most of his annual leave, currently cruising in the Mediterranean with his wife. You watch it with a straight face. Perhaps you press ‘like’ on the story. And once you decide that you have looked at the story for too long (around 2.5 seconds), you swipe left. You probably won’t remember this story. These platforms promise us social connectivity however at times, it seems that it does little but disconnect us further.

It is safe to say that social media has redefined what we perceive as social connection and that it has reduced it’s meaning to likes, views and brief comments. This redefinition is of a pernicious nature due to the fact that many will not realise that it is happening nor that it will continue to happen; that the former definition of social connection, the deep, valuable, genuine kind, may soon be lost. It is not something that we can guard in a museum. It is something that comes and goes and when it comes, it resides in our hearts, not in pixels. And when it goes, it leaves a void that pixels can not fill.

The process of redefinition is slow.

It is like coastal erosion. Time has slowly, gently yet mercilessly eroded deep human connection like waves against a shore. And now, as the sea levels of isolation rise we are slowly becoming islands in a crowded world, losing ground to relentless waves of this cycle. And many do not see it happening. Why? Because the very meaning of social connection has been redefined. This is the real danger.

Genuine connection is now seen as strange. Starting a conversation with a stranger on public transport is vintage, replying to a stranger in the comment section of another stranger's post on twitter - this is the new fashion. And if you don’t get with the times, you will be an outcast.

So what is real human connection?

I believe it is a genuine care for those you interact with, genuinely listening to every word they say and reflecting on it with empathy, evaluating what they say based on prior conversations, knowing who they are, who they have been and having an idea of who they want to be. In the Arabic language there are over 30 ways to express the word for friend, each with a slightly different meaning. I have attached a list at the end of this blog. There are layers to human connection, it is not black and white.

The sad news is that I see this social redefinition as inevitable. However the good news is that I strongly believe that people who crave genuine human connection will find it - it will be difficult but it will be worthwhile - because with scarcity comes value. We appreciate what is scarce and we disregard what is abundant.

The internet should enhance social connection, not replace it. It should be a piece in the social puzzle, not the whole picture. I ask you to really become conscious of how you interact with technology. Meet your friends in real life. Attend in-person events. Limit your screen time. Have those deep conversations.

Don’t let society redefine meaning for you.

صديق – ṣadīq – friend, true friend, commonly used in formal and everyday contexts
رفيق – rafīq – companion, buddy, often used for travel or life companions
زميل – zamīl – colleague, classmate, friend in a professional or academic context
قرين – qarīn – companion, mate, sometimes literary or poetic
نديم – nadīm – close companion, often one who shares meals or social gatherings
حبيب – ḥabīb – beloved, dear one, can be used for close friends or loved ones
خليل – khalīl – intimate friend, bosom friend, very close and trusted
أنيس – ʾanīs – friendly companion, someone who brings comfort and ease
صاحب – ṣāḥib – friend, owner, companion, general-purpose friend term
خدن – khidn – close friend, intimate companion, somewhat classical
سمير – samīr – night conversation companion, someone to share stories with
جليس – jalīs – one who sits with you, close associate or companion
خدن الدهر – khidn al-dahr – lifelong friend, friend through all times
مؤانس – muʾānis – companion who comforts, offers emotional support
إلف – ʾilf – familiar, dear companion, someone you feel close and at ease with
خلّ – khall – dear friend, often poetic, short form of خليل
صنْو – ṣinw – like a twin or equal in friendship, emphasizes closeness and similarity
قرين الروح – qarīn al-rūḥ – soulmate, a very deep, spiritual companion
ظليل – ẓalīl – figuratively, one who shelters or protects you, poetic usage
سمير الليل – samīr al-layl – companion of the night, someone to talk to at night
حميم – ḥamīm – warm, intimate friend, affectionate and trusted
بطانة – biṭāna – inner circle, confidant, a trusted companion in private matters
صنو العمر – ṣinw al-ʿumr – lifelong friend, emphasizes enduring friendship
صفيّ – ṣafī – pure, trusted friend, loyal and sincere
مُصافٍ – muṣāfin – sincere friend, someone genuine and honest
مُجالِس – mujālis – companion in gatherings, someone who joins you socially
مشفق – mushfiq – caring companion, someone who shows concern
مؤاخٍ – muʾākhī – bonded like a brother, formal or literary
عشير – ʿashīr – companion, partner in life, often poetic or classical
بِطانة الصدق – biṭānat al-ṣidq – loyal confidant, trusted advisor and friend

Tomisin Ajeneye